Friday, February 28, 2014

Craving What Hurts

Migraines are, to say the very least, debilitating at times.  This morning I feel another big attack approaching.  The last "big" one was just two weeks ago.  My husband started work at 5:30 p.m. last night and ended his shift at 7:00 a.m. this morning.  He came home and snowplowed the driveway (our plow guy seems to have disappeared) and then took my daughter to preschool and is going to stop at the hardware store for a new shovel.  I am sitting here in the silence waiting for medication to kick in.  Once again I am hoping that it actually prevents the migraine from taking over my body and carrying out out whatever vengeance it has on me.  All the while it is an absolutely gorgeous sunny day.  A day that I typically crave in these long winter months.  You see, I LOVE the sun.  I LOVE warmth.  I crave it.  I long for it more than I can put into words.  I always have.  I have so much and for so long that just after I finished my Master's degree I had a teaching position lined up in the beautiful Virginia Beach area.  I let that dream go at the last second to take on another dream and marry the man I could never live with out (that story is another post).  Now I sit here with dark sheets tacked over silhouette blinds.  If you are not familiar, silhouette blinds allow you to cover your windows for privacy but allow the sun to softly diffuse into your home creating soft glow of sunshine and warmth.  Do you see the irony in this?  I crave the light but it hurts me.  It aggravates my migraines.  Even if I don't have a migraine I perpetually worry that the sun is going to hurt me.  I long for the sun but I avoid it.  So for today, and if I'm lucky only today, I will sit in the dark and take whatever preventative measures I need to stop this migraine from reaching its full potential.  And for today I am going to try and not feel guilty that my husband hasn't slept in 20 hours and will take on all my responsibilities for the day.  A note to myself:  "If you don't let him and the migraine progresses it will be worse for everyone." In the meantime I am remembering why I gave up the sunny south and married this man who takes care of me through sickness and in health. :)

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